I am frustrated with my 20 year-old son, Justin. It seems he is seriously lacking in the responsibility department in regards to college and/or getting a job. Not only did he lose his financial aid just because he didn't stay focused and attend class normally. But, he will not get a job for some of his basic needs...and wants. Justin is a bright boy, at least he used to be. He always made good grades in school and never had to study. Yet, his grade point average in college has dropped below a 2.0, not because he is not smart, but because he didn't attend half the time AND THEN he didn't drop any of those classes before acquiring an "F"! Yes, he has dreams of being a rock star. Doesn't practically every young boy? But he needs to show a little responsibility. I don't want to squash his dreams. But he's got to have a backup plan. It's not like his band is getting gigs every weekend. They have yet to get their first paying one. And they've only had one or two that were just for fun.
He has had a couple of jobs, but they only lasted a month or two. He worked at Dollar General for a short time, and he worked at Walmart for about a month and a half. He said he hated the jobs. He didn't want to be like everybody else and just settle for whatever he could find. He didn't want to give up on his dreams.
And then there are his friends who are either very rich (and therefore don't have to work), or their parents or grandparents provide everything for them. I refuse to keep doing that! Also, when his college status dropped below full-time, he was dropped from my insurance. So now he is an unemployed, uninsured, mooching individual. What's a mom to do?!!!
What happened along the way? He was so smart! Have I not been strict enough on him? (Probably not) My best friend tells me to lay down the law to him and tell him he has to get a job to start supporting himself. She says to quit giving him money for things he wants to do...like driving an hour away to see his girlfriend. And while I am on that subject, he says they are planning on getting married this December!!! WHAT?!!! How is he going to pull THAT off?!! When he first mentioned it I thought, "Okay. Now, he will have to get a job." But, that was over a month ago, and nothing has changed.
I love him so much. He's my firstborn. As babies we don't want them to grow up, but once they get grown, we want them to finally see the light and GROW UP, for Heaven's sake. I know I need to start practicing tough love. But, it is so hard for me to do because I love him so much. But, it's because I love him that I have to do this. I have to teach him to be a responsible adult. I don't want him to end up like some people I know who never work and are content to mooch off of others because I know with his smarts that he could do very well for himself.
Have any of you ever dealt with this? If so, how have you handled it, and what were the results? Even if you haven't gotten to this point with your children, what advice would you give? Stay tuned for updates on this situation. And, pray that his dad and I handle this situation the way that we, as parents, should. I hope it all turns out well.