Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
-- Steven Wright
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday'. -Steven Wright